Happy Hallowe'en!

*Sigh*
The air is crisp, the leaves are changing colours, and the Jack-o-Lanterns are out. This can only mean one thing. It's Hallowe'en! Hoorah! (In case you couldn't tell, I'm slightly excited.)
And with Hallowe'en comes responsibility.... What? No. I'm just kidding. What I meant to say, is that, with Hallowe'en comes some awesome (and some not so awesome) movies!

Now typically, horror movies with female leads generally fall into the following categories:

1) Really bad/predictable characters in otherwise (relatively) scary movies.
Think Sarah Michelle Gellar in The Grudge (although I will warn you, with everything in me, to avoid the Grudge 2. Truly awfuly.) The movie was mildy scary, enough to make me a little anxious when I was alone in my basement after the viewing. However, Gellar's character, Karen, is very one-dimensional, and actually pretty boring. I'm sure feeling a connection with the lead character(s) isn't the top priority when it comes to a horror movie, but come on! At least make us care about whether or not the character is tortured/strangled/whatevered by a wet ghost in desperate need of a haircut.
Also noteable in this category: Shelley Duvall in The Shining. LOVE this movie, but god damn is she wimpy. Judith O'Dea in the original Night of the Living Dead. I'm a zombie movie buff, and this is pretty well the pioneer movie for all zombie movies to come, but Barbara was nothing short of frustrating.

2) Really good characters in otherwise really bad/predictable movies.
Think the girls from The Descent. This movie had some potential. The premise was interesting and there were some pretty neat scenes, but it lost me at the cave monsters. But the girls were tough as nails, with all their pick axes and covering themselves in blood and killing weird cave dwellers. It's kinda sad that some really strong female characters were wasted in such an appallingly un-scary movie.
Also noteable in this category: Kate Beckinsale as Selena in Underworld. Okay, maybe the movie isn't technically a horror movie, but it's got vampires and werewolves, which should have made for a sweet showdown. However, there's no two ways about it, the movie was not good. Too bad, because Selena knew how to kick some ass.

3) Really bad/predictable characters in really bad/predictable movies.
Think Camilla Bell in When a Stranger Calls. The only thing frightening about this movie was how fucking un-scary it was. Camilla Bell had my roomate and I yelling the typical forewarnings at the screen, i.e.; WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? HE'S CLEARLY RIGHT FUCKING THERE! WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT! Blah character, blah movie, save your time and energy and pick something, pick ANYTHING else to watch.
Also noteable in this category: Rahda Mitchell in Silent Hill. Those of you who've played the videogame, know how creepy it can be. So what went wrong with the film? So, so much went wrong, that's what. Bad acting and a bad script make for a very bad movie. Fail status all around. Paris Hilton in House of Wax also gets a nod, because, well, Paris Hilton in anything is bound to be un-good.

So what do we learn from this? Well, aside from the exception of the Good Characters in Bad Movies, we learn that most female characters in horror movies are predictable, have bad reasoning skills, and generally have no depth.

Here's the thing though. Not all horror girls are like that. The horror genre gives some really good opportunity for girls to be complete ass-kickers.
Here's a list of the best of the best:

Girls Who Rock at Being Not Terrible in Horror Movies:

10) Carrie White (Carrie, 1976): I'm a big Stephen King fan, but usually his book-to-movies are not the best. Carrie is an exception, and is a classic. The best thing about this movie is how much you feel for the character! The poor girl is pushed around, intimidated and picked on all her life, from her teachers to her classmates, and to her mother. Eventually she snaps, and lots of gory death ensues.


9) Jennifer Hills (I Spit on Your Grave, aka Day of the Woman, 1978): A very graphic and disturbing movie, not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach. A very nice girl has some very not nice things happen to her at the hands of some really bad men. She decides to get revenge, and it's not pretty.


8) Erin (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 2003) The original TCM is, without a doubt, better than the newer one, but Jessica Biel put in a pretty decent performance as the only survivor of the wrath of Leatherface. Why did she survive? Because she was smart! p.s: Leatherface is terrifying in both this and the original, but in this one a crazy hitchhiker pulls a gun out of her no-no spot? Awesome? Yes!


7) Sydney Prescott (Scream, 1996) You can say all you want about Scream, but I still consider it to be one of the finer horror movies that have come out in the past decade and a half. It managed to rejuvenate what some considered to be a dying genre, by making horror creative and original again. Sydney is a smart girl, she makes smart decisions when it comes to battling Ghost Face, and she's got some biting one liners to throw in there too. Makes for a great character who we all have fun watching. Way to kick some ass, Syd.


6) Cherry Darling (Grindhouse: Planet Terror, 2007): The chick has a machine gun for a leg. I think that says it all right there...


5 Buffy Summers (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1197-2003): The tv show, not the movie. It deserves a mention because you really can't talk about kicking supernatural ass without bringing up Buffy Summers. The girl knows how to take down a vampire or two. Forget the last few seasons, seasons 1-4ish were golden.


4) Nancy Thompson (A Nightmare on Elm Street, 1984): Why do I like Nancy in this movie? Well, in a time when most teenaged girls in horror franchises were dumb and expendable, Nancy was the smart girl that figured it all out. I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart girl, which means that I can identify with Nancy, and I applaude her horror-movie-choices.


3) Alice and Rain (Resident Evil, 2002): I'm not usually a fan of videogame-to-movies, but I'll make an exception for this one, specifically because I like zombies (all kinds of zombies, dead ones, live ones, infected ones, you gottem, I wantem) and I like girls who are total badasses. And really, is there any other word for these girls? I think not.

2) Selena (28 Days Later, 2002) Now I may be slightly biased, but this has to be one of the best horror movies ever made. It is smart and has a lot to say about human nature. Selena is a character who starts off acting tough as nails. After her partner is infected with the "Rage" virus, she hacks him apart, without a moment's hesitation, and tells Jim (Cillian Murphy) she'd do the same to him. But when it comes down to it, we see a softer side of the tough girl, which lends her character a ton of believability. Overall, a fantastic movie, and a character you can empathize with. Plus, she's pretty damn cool.


1) Laurie Strode (Halloween, 1978): I like to think of Halloween as the best of the horror franchises of the 70s and 80s (think A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Chucky, etc.) It certainly introduced the Bad Guy Who Won't Just Fucking Die Already. And it also brough us a heroine who was both smart and relatively believable. She was allowed to be scared, but she is still seen as a strong character, she can still stand up to the Invincible Michael Meyers. Basically, this movie is awesome.


And there you have it, folks. Girls with some metaphorical balls. Sorry if I missed your favourites. Honourable mentions go to Ripley from Aliens, only left out because Aliens is sci-fi more than horror, and Janet Leigh, the original Scream Queen, not included because her characer was kind of a wimp.

In conclusion, here's some advice. Don't go upstairs instead of finding a way out, don't investigate any strange noises at night, and don't pick up any creepy hitchikers, and you should survive this Hallowe'en.